so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
