I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
