Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
