Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
