life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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