It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
