One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
