dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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