be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Randomize
