My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
