hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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