we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
