Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
