tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
