Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
