I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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