So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
