I wish my penis had an off switch
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
