please come you make the beer taste better
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
