What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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