Someone shit on the floor
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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