I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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