Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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