Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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