i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
