i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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