I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
