She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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