We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
