There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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