Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
