So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
