I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
