there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
