I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
