he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
