we have pet lesbian snakes
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
