Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
