Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
