she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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