so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
