Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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