Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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