I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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