OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
where does the pee come out of this thing
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
