I wannas sexs uuuuu
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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