Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
