Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i drank out of a bidet.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
