I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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