I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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