The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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