saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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