you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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