Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
