If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
