so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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