I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
