dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
