ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
