im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
