is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
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my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
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