did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize