we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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