how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
