Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
