He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
