Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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