forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
