i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
