p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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