Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
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but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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