my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize