Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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