I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
