So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
